Each week on MTV’s Rock the Cradle, the sons and daughters of musical icons compete for the sort of exposure they would have received anyway on the basis of their DNA. Rock Daily sorts through the nepotistic wreckage.
Children’s Story: Each contestant got his or her own introduction, and everybody’s story is pretty much the same: Mom or Dad wasn’t really around, then dealt with drugs (Lucy Walsh, daughter of Eagle Joe Walsh), jail (Landon Brown, son of Bobby), bankruptcy (A’Keiba Burrell-Hammer) or apathy (pretty much everybody else).
Baby Geniuses: Jesse Snider (son of Twisted Sister frontman Dee) acquitted himself surprisingly well on Led Zeppelin’s “Rock and Roll,” Lil B. Sure (son of Al) crooned a Donny Hathaway song that wasn’t embarassing and Landon Brown worked his way through Seal’s “Crazy” with more dignity than his dad has ever done anything. But the clear favorite (and top-scorer of last night) is Lucy Walsh, whose poised presentation of Don Henley’s “Heart of the Matter” showed that she not only has vocal talent but also has more charisma than her hard hat-wearing dad ever did.
Red-Headed Stepchild: Poor pitiful Chloe Lattanzi (daughter of Olivia Newton-John). She grew up “alone in big houses,” battled anorexia and paparazzi, had never performed in front of a crowd before last night and looked like a total disaster. During her version of INXS‘ “Never Tear Us Apart,” she sounded like somebody doing an unflattering Fiona Apple impression on Saturday Night Live.
Who Is Getting Disowned: Lattanzi technically gave the worst performance by a mile, though Crosby Loggins’ (son of Kenny) ho-hum run through “(What’s So Funny ‘Bout) Peace, Love and Understanding” had negative personality, and the fact that he went last on a ninety-minute telecast might work against him. But if there’s any justice in the universe, host Ryan Devlin will get sent home, as he is a black hole from which no charisma can escape. Seriously, he has about one tenth of the hosting skill of Brian Dunkleman.